I was what people wanted expected me to be and I was running away from my own childhood traumas, physical and emotional abuse ; not realising that I was destroying myself by numbing my true emotions and not honoring my true desires.
I was denying happiness to myself , by falling under the pressure of people expectations.
After hitting rock bottoms multiple times , and witnessing my friend taking his own life, something clicked, and had to change.
I made the decision to dive into my deepest dark fears so that I could live instead of surviving.
You can listen to all the gurus and read all the books at the end YOU are your Own Healer.